How will retirement affect your relationships?

In many ways, retirement is a personal milestone. One marking the end of your career and the adjustment to a new chapter of your life – hopefully long and happy.

But “no man is an island” as the famous old poem says; and (whether you are male or female!), your retirement can be just as significant for those close to you, or people you would like to get more close to, as yourself.

As your retirement draws near, here are a few areas to proactively think about to ensure you get the most out of retirement from the off.

Retirement relationship with a spouse or partner

If you are married or in a long-term co-habiting relationship, retirement is almost certainly going to have a bearing on the dynamic. While it is important to be positive and think of the opportunity that you will have together, it also makes sense to be realistic and recognise that it might not change everything for the better.

By doing this, it gives you an opportunity to see potential flashpoints in advance, and head them off before they do any damage.

Common problems may include:

• Getting under your partner’s feet – They have been used to their own space during the day, their own routines. Suddenly this is, saying it in the nicest possible way, disrupted by your presence. Think about how you can respect their space while optimising the way you spend more time together.
• Being irritated by annoying habits – If we are honest, we all have habits which others may find a nuisance. And being exposed to them more frequently can be a source of tension. Correcting bad habits, or being kind about them during a period of adjustment (whether yours or theirs), will be an important step at the start of retirement.
• Dealing with emotional baggage – Given that the transition to retirement is such a major life change, it’s unsurprising that you may not be your usual self for a period – your emotions could be riding high or low. Feelings are feelings. You cannot necessarily change them easily. But anticipating them as far as possible, thinking how they affect your partner and maybe even discussing it may help you navigate what could otherwise be a difficult time for you and them.

With all that said, don’t forget to focus on the positives too.

Relationships with friends in retirement

I regularly say to people whom I coach that friendships are a positive indicator of mental health as we age. You can read an interesting study on it here.

The way retirement affects your relationships with friends will likely not be as intense as the impact on a spouse or partner. However, we are more likely to be talking about multiple relationships, and ones which are affected in contrasting ways.

For example, you may need to give thought to how you will keep in touch with friendly colleagues whom you are accustomed to seeing several times a week. Soon, this may not happen automatically. What do you need to do to keep these friendships flourishing?

At the same time, new opportunities may arise to see non-work friends whom it has been difficult to engage with as much as you’d like in recent years, because your career has been your top priority.

Is it time for you to seek new friends now, through throwing yourself into social activities?

Rebalancing relationships with your children and grandchildren

Depending on the stage you are at in family life, there is a wonderful opportunity to be more involved in your children’s lives.

If you still have dependent children, this may mean a chance to get involved with the school run, preparing meals for them and other quality time.

If your children are adults, there is much potential for exploring how you can fit in positively with their lives. They (and you) may be delighted that you can play the active grandparent. Or not. Remember, it has to work for both parties and their spouse/partner will have a say in it too.

Perhaps they are not at this stage yet, and are seeking space for themselves and their career. It is easy to make assumptions, and to take things personally when they are not meant that way. Good communication and emotional intelligence will be key.

Help working it all out

People and families are complicated. Working out how best to nurture all your relationships and how they each interact with each other will be a cornerstone of a happy retirement.

I work with people as they prepare and step into retirement to ensure it is a success. Over just a few sessions, I can gently help you reflect and plan what a great retirement looks like for you. Please do get in touch to find out more.